I've been facing mine for the past couple of months.

A small handful of friends has passed away.

Not all at once.

All completely seperate occurances.

Overdosing.

"Natural Causes."

Car Accidents.

I've can't stop thinking about when it will be my turn.

They were just as alive as I am.

What is the difference?

They are dead.

I will never see them again.

I want more than ever to be reassured of an afterlife.

But I don't have the faith or knowledge to believe.

So what is it for?

Where are they?

Are they happy?

Do they know I miss them?

Do they know I've been touched by the loss of them?

If anyone has any advice..

Im really having a hard time with this.

Im very afraid of dying.

And please don't feed me Bible verses.

They don't help if you do not have faith.

How am I supposed to grow to old age, watching my peers fall left and right around me?

How can anyone live like that?

Please..

So last night, I'm hitting my pipe, and a car pulls into my driveway. Im like damnitman. You know? Its my free time, and someone unexpected is showing up. So I go to the door to answer frantic knocking, and lo and behold, it is my ex's NEW ex.

OK.. Im gonna catch you up a tad.. My ex is crazy. I know alot of people just say that, but this guy really really is. But he's very good at hiding it, and making you feel special and loved.. He is very abusive, and has indeed put me into the hospital with broken ribs, dislocated shoulder, and torn cartilage between ribs. (Torn cartilage, by the way, will NEVER heal, and almost always aches.)

When I heard that my ex had gotten a new girl, I went to her, and tried very hard to tell her he was trouble. Of course she didnt listen (and neither did I, when I was warned about him), and apparently found herself in the same predicament. Only in her case, she had his son as well.

So it was strange to open my door and find her and her father standing there. And what do they tell me? The crazy son of a bitch has taken her child (his as well, but you've got to understand that this guy is not someone that should have a child in his care) and won't bring the baby back. (Born on July 4th, so its a little baby, even.) Shes in a complete state of panic, which I assume is why she came to my house (like how am I supposed to help??) and I know I would be terrified if that guy had my child.

HOW MANY WOMEN WILL THIS ASSHOLE GO THROUGH BEFORE SOMEONE GETS HIM ARRESTED??

I tried, after he assaulted me, but it was only the two of us at the time, and he had the forthought to bring his brother to court to lie for him, said that I was the one beating up HIM. (Silly isnt it?) And he got let go. Didn't even get a slap on the wrist.

I don't know what the point of this is, but I'm kind of outraged that this guy is still getting away with beating women.. After he hurt me, I went to the courthouse to get a copy of his background check for my lawyer.. I found out that before me, he had 7, and I repeat, SEVEN assault on a female charges!!

WTF is wrong with the legal system these days??